Thanksmasoween Or Hallowthanksmas?
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There’s an idea floating around about the possibility of combining holidays or making one universal holiday.
The latter has something to do with the notion that it’s unfair that Christmas celebrates the birth of Christ but not Buddha, Mohammed, Mother Gaia, the Universe, the Great Spirit, Satan, some goats, rocks and trees, tacos, or the 100,000 other ‘deities’ worshiped at one time or another by one group or another.
But if this time of year became just one universal holiday to include all of the above, the atheists and secular humanists would feel left out because it would still look like a ‘religious’ holiday. And what would we call it? Coincidencemas, Bigbangtide, or Indifferent-meaningless-empty-vacuummas? I don’t think it would work. What would the greeting cards say?
So, the better idea would be to combine the already-existing seasonal holidays into one, just get ’em all out of the way in one swell foop. We could call it either Thanksmasoween or Hallowthanksmas.
The celebration for Hallowthanksmas (the name I prefer) would consist of kids dressed up like turkeys or Pilgrims loudly singing “Silent Night” while going house to house with their parents begging neighbors and strangers alike for mash potatoes and gravy and pumpkin pie.
To top off the evening the whole family would gather around a beautiful skeleton with a star on stop, drink some apple cider in reindeer shaped mugs, then decorate the skeleton with bright orange garland and pieces of grandma’s fruitcake.
Then everyone would watch 12 straight hours of football before snuggling into bed, anxiously waiting for the Great Pumpkin to come down the chimney with presents for all. Does that sound fun or what? Plus, it saves time and reduces holiday stress!
Now we need to work on ideas for combining New Years, Valentines Day and the Fourth of July into one stress-reducing holiday. I don’t know…maybe start a traditional celebration of drinking too much and throwing firecrackers at your sweetheart?
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